Ali Matteini

a life creative

Hawkers-B-Gone

Somewhat irritated by the sudden increase in door-to-door salesfolk, I’ve put up this sign at the front door.
All right…I know they’re doing their job but what they’re doing has become a daily nuisance.
It is spam on legs.
I used to answer the door to them until a salesman for a telephone company got pretty antsy with me when I said “no, thank you”. Yep. Intimidation’s really gonna make me buy your product. He suddenly found himself facing the sheer wall of the door.
Now I just ignore them by hiding behind my office screen. Even without looking I know it’s not someone I like (the doorbell being dinged madly accompanied by hysterical giggling is a dead giveaway that it’ll be one of my friends). Hawkers, on the other hand, press the bell and hold (so that the ding fades into pointless static). Pause. Press the bell and hold (because the static really roused the occupant last time). Shuffle about on the front step. Cough. Sigh. Sometimes there’ll be a third ding (pretty keen for that sale/entry into heaven/quota) and this is usually where I’ve been caught out hiding from them. Normally after that second ding I’ll wait a moment before peeking round the corner. Yesterday I peeked too soon; the woman, clipboard of tedium in hand, actually had her face pressed to the window, peering in. What she would have seen, no doubt, was a velocity-packin’ silhouette diving out of sight. Subtle.

3 comments on “Hawkers-B-Gone

  1. Amber
    September 23, 2009

    BA HA HA!! Love the sign!

    The day we got broken in to (well, 7am the morning of the night before) we had one of those Jack Green Energy hawkers come tot he front door and try to sell me their products. My response? “No thank you, we just got broken in to, electricity is the LAST THING ON MY MIND!”
    Simultaneously, the locksmith arrived to change the locks. Sensing my reluctance to enter a discussion on electricity, the salesman decided to chat up the locksmith instead, thus securing his prime advertising spot on our front step for a further 5 minutues, obviously hoping I'd come around at some point and beg him to step inside. No such luck. Then he asked me for a drink of water – do you think that is one of their sneaky sales tactics?

    I may just copy your sign at some point… if I get up the guts!

  2. Chocolate and Steel
    September 24, 2009

    what! I can't believe they are looking into your home. That would annoy me and I wouldn't hide. I would come out and tell them to mind their own business.

    I'm really not an angry person but that would annoy me. I like your sign a lot!

  3. Alison Boyd
    September 30, 2009

    Amber: I like the electricity hawker's marketing guts! I have to put the sign back up as R blasted it off when he washed the house.Please feel free to steal it!
    Chocolate and Steel: The sign should fix their nosiness 😉

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This entry was posted on September 17, 2009 by in creativity.

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