Ali Matteini

a life creative

creativity, friendships, and letting go of the bone

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there have been a number of creative tails flying free since i arrived in italia: writing, poetry, art, jewellery design… finally i’m gathering them all up and tying them together.

i have those creative sparrows in the belly all a-flutter:

poetry
i completed april’s napowrimo and together with the one-poem-a-week-for-a-year challenge, along with the brick-heavy folder of poetry from uni days, i now have a pretty big body of poetic work and a relatively clear direction with which to head with them.

novel
my dear mamma has kindly translated my late grandmamma’s tales from her life in germany [and thus the key to my research for my novel]. i’m in the early days of planning to make a foray to germany in july for further research.

art
i’ve attended one of two vedic art workshops with artist christine persson, and have penned a series of designs ready for lino printing.

yay! fun scribbling!

yay! fun scribbling!

jewellery
i now have have a book full of design ideas and resources and have made contact with two firenze-based jewellery makers – naomi muirhead and laura wandry – and  jewellery suppliers in firenze.

…and…

the writing group
i may have mentioned i was very keen to be part of a writers group in australia from my perch here in toscana, via skype, email, facebook, by whatever means in this age of technology that – apparently – shrinks the world. while that’s true on a number of levels, distance and time remains a relative fact: physically and mentally. physically, things haven’t happened quickly here in terms of technology services [i’m still without adsl, which means i’m bound for another few months yet to this infernal 3g dongle with whom i have a needy lovehate relationship], and although email would seem like an ok method for a writing group, it’s not. emails arrive, sometimes they don’t. sometimes they’re not answered but you’re not sure and should you follow up? again? well after a few tries [ok, >50] i realised i was beginning to become one of those yappy ankle-biting terriers that won’t let go of its bone.

errierwithbone

so i let go of the bone.

and no sooner had i let it go than the fluttery idea some friends and i had several months ago to start a writing group here bloomed.
every friday morning we meet and go from there. we have a grand library of resources and we we’re doing well so far: the first was productive in terms of freewriting exercises, the second one i forgot it was friday, and the third [just past] we did tarot readings.
hey, it’s all research.

i was intrigued by the tarot, as i’ve never done it before. i drew my three:  the no. 5 card [disappointment], the knight of disks [harvest] and the hanged man [looking at stuff from another angle]. ew, i thought. disappointment and hanged men…hmmm. but the reading that came with these cards and their placement told me, funnily enough, to let go of the bone!
with me, as with many people, old patterns have a way of threading themselves in and knotting tight and lingering disappointments including the over-trying i mentioned above, but especially to do with some waning friendships – some of whom dissolved long, long ago, and more recent friendships that seem to have have flared and sputtered. well, these have been hardest to let go because it isn’t like a breakup, where there is [usually] a clear and defined end. also, friends don’t tend to say, ‘y’know…i’m just not that into you anymore.’ couple that with no inherent signal that tells me when something is finished and bafflement abounds. i have a gut feeling, generally, but i’m a blinky optimist with virtually no inbuilt ability to put the hands up, smile and back away at the right moment – before the, ‘hmmm … what might i have done wrong’ circle endlessly like seagulls.

my fellow writerly expats and i discussed this on friday morning. it happens to everyone. friendships blossom, fade, spark, sputter, endure or disappoint. fact: they’re everchanging…and, aside from those that really do endure, they generally happen where you are, physically. when you – or they – are out of the picture [like i am, far, far away], life goes on, experience changes people, and if you or they are not physically present to share an experience, the friendship evolves differently. this made me think of something pretty profound my best friend in australia said, after she cleared the last of my belongings from the house of my ex-husband: ‘it was strange; it was as though you had died.’ phew! i suppose did complete a number of major life events all in a very short space of time.

anyway.

immediately after last friday’s writerly tarot session i received a message on my phone to say that a girl i’d been best friends with from highschool had made a friend request on facebook. a normal event, except that our friendship had done one of those cut-to-blacks 16 years ago after her husband tried it on with me and then told everyone i had made the moves [now… aside from him being married to my then-best friend, if you saw an image of him you would understand why i turned him down. and time has not been kind. yes, i fb stalked]. jokes aside, this was one of the greatest gouges out of my life: to be accused of something I hadn’t done and to lose a friendship that seemed at the time to be the entire world, and to have been cut off without ever having spoken a word about it with that friend. even now she is someone who occasionally still appears in my dreams, where everything is ok between us.
in real life what would you say, 16 years on? what shape of friendship could you sketch out?
curious, i followed the link only to see the request was ‘no longer valid’. a slip of the finger on a smart phone while stalking.

whoops.

and there, i guess, was my tarot message, loud as a bark, not two minutes after i’d left the writing group.

One comment on “creativity, friendships, and letting go of the bone

  1. Pingback: An Object of Meaning – Hetti’s Bon Bon Jar | the shiny adventures of kittykatmandoo

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